The Torah is a Terrible Guide to Fatherhood

Being Reform Jews, we don’t take the ancient commentators’ word as law, or as given directly by God, nor do we believe that the Torah itself was dictated word-for-word by God to Moses.

That said, the Rabbis were wise, and their thoughts are worth considering. They often softened harsh decrees from the Torah. For example, they created nearly impossible-to-meet restrictions on when a disobedient child should be stoned to death, something commanded in Torah.

Classical picture of Abraham about to sacrifice Isaac

When it comes to fatherhood, I think the Rabbis had it right: the Torah is a terrible parenting manual, and that especially extends to fathers. Abraham exiled his first son in favour of his second, and then was prepared to kill (sacrifice) his remaining son. Isaac. Jacob had favourites, and worse, clearly showed favourites, with predictable results. Then there’s Jephthah in Judges who, having vowed to offer the first thing that came out of his house as a thanksgiving sacrifice, ended up killing his daughter.

The Rabbis took those same forefathers, and extrapolated that fathers have certain duties: teaching their children, enabling them to start a family, giving them the wherewithal to survive (teaching them a trade and teaching them to swim), and ensuring our survival as Jews. Of course, we would add: make sure they have what they need to create a Jewish home wherever they are - and that’s where we come in.

When it comes to parenting, the Rabbis clearly had a better idea of what makes a good father than the Torah did!

Father holding child in silhouette on a mountain.